Lived Experience Forum

[Faith-and-Hope]

It is a juggling act @Zoe7 , but yesterday at the football went well, and D3 set up at home for us to make pizzas when we returned, which was lovely ..... then most of the baby dragons settled in to watch a movie, which was  not mr.’s go at all, and wasn’t of particular interest to me either.... so he went to bed, and I tidied up in the background for a while before heading off too.

[Faith-and-Hope]

And yes @Zoe7 .... shutting the door on some things can be really hard .... I find I have to keep making a conscious decision to close the doors again and again when they have crept open.

💚

[Zoe7]

Just responded (at great length lol) on Need a Shoulder - and pretty much what you have siad about the pizza and movie night shows that when Mr. does not have control he cannot be bothered @Faith-and-Hope That is his loss Hon. You had your entire family together and he could not put his own things aside to join in with you all - that would be obvious to your kids too - and yet again you are the one there with them and holding them together. Actions speak louder than words and Mr's actions are dismissive and selfish. Glad that you could all have a nice night and he took himself off to bed without making it into a big drama for you all.

[BryanaCamp]

hi @Zoe7 and @Faith-and-Hope hope you've had a happy easter.

I've been off the forum for a while as I've been going through a bad patch after the mean man I volunteer with triggered some nasty mental health symptoms in me. I've arranged to have 2 weeks off volunteering to recover so that's good.

[Faith-and-Hope]

He used to be really selfless @Zoe7 , but in hindsight I can see that it was still a selflessness according to what he wanted for himself and his family ..... and when the kids were smaller you could direct them, nicely, into what you wanted for them ...., which is what he was doing with me too.  He would negotiate, very nicely.  That’s not the same as genuinely wanting the best for someone according to their own views and choices ..... but it was really unclear while the major forces of manipulation were ever-present to sabotage from the sidelines.

I can only keep things glued together for as long as I can to try to provide safe passage for the kids, and then it will be a “let’s see where this is going” from there.

It all feels so far and away in all directions ..... the past as we knew it, and the future as we can’t see it ..... and our family life spread from one side of the country to the other.

[Faith-and-Hope]

Hi @BryanaCamp 🌷💕

I am so sorry to hear that @BryanaCamp .  There is no need for that sort of mean-spiritedness.  I am glad you are taking time out for self-care.  It’s very important.

[Zoe7]

I understand those feelings @Faith-and-Hope You are living in a continuous sate of uncertainty and I know how that feels. For so long I lived in that type of sitution - not knowing what was going to come next and yet also knowing that the reality of my life was not good. You have your kids to look out for and try to provide as much stability as you can in amongst all the chaos. Having them spread out across the country does not help with that - you cannot be there for all of then all the time because of that distance. ...but you are where you need to be to allow your younger baby dragons to find their feet and that is important for you right now. Your own personal sacrifices has meant a loss of your support system also and that is hard to get through. You have been forced into that isolation by the circumstances and while that was meant to give S2 a fresh start it has also left you very much on your own. I hate that that has been the case for you. Thank goodness for your uni course Hon - that has been a godsend.

The future is indeed unceratin and for you it has so many moving parts. There will become a crunch time when you remaining baby dragons move on and begin to forge their own life so that is going to be a really hard time for you also. I know you will still have D2 to look after but how that looks in the face of what you may be confronted with from Mr. is so uncertain. It is extremely tough to see into the future -especially with so much incertainty around you already but I also know you have that inner strength to deal with whatever you are faced with - and youo have your faith to help hold you together 

[Zoe7]

Sorry to hear you have been through a bad patch @BryanaCamp and that the man at your volunteering gig was triggering for you. Having a break from that is probably a good idea to help some of those feelings settle a bit. Could you change your day at volunteering so you do not have to work with him again?

[Former-Member]

Hi and thanks for your messages @Former-Member @Zoe7 @Faith-and-Hope 

Sounds like we all had a bad night. Ugh! The dream I had was horrific and exhausting, so today has been blah!

Had some really traumatic news this afternoon. 

Sent me into a huge panic attack. 

Not to worry. 

Prns are so tiring. 

Hoping to wean off them. 

But stress keeps coming. 

I cant keep taking them. 

I hope everyone found something nice to do for themselves today. 

Im going to make a cuppa. 

☕️☕️☕️

💜💖💜

🌷🌸🌺

[Faith-and-Hope]

Took myself off and out for a quiet coffee for a while .....

Sorry about your traumatic news today @Former-Member ..... keep taking care of you ❣️

Edit:  sorry, swiped the wrong name in the list @BryanaCamp @Former-Member .....