How do you stay employed, when despite trying so hard the BPD traits rule your life?
I feel like I try so bloody hard in everything I do, but I can’t ever do a good enough job to appease my bosses. Yes, I understand that a lot of it may be me reading into things as that’s common in BPD, but the result always ends up the same.
I keep getting fired or having to quit because the standard workplace doesn’t understand mental illness, let alone one of the most stigmatised illnesses. They can’t support me in my work, especially when I can’t outright tell them what’s wrong with me. Most places are only just getting used to the “idea” of someone with ADHD or Depression, and the second you say you have an illness then you are treated differently, and not in a good way. When I have told places in the past that I am “neurodivergent” or am self critical etc, then they always react different such as “did you take your meds?” and “stop being so dramatic/unprofessional”, when I’m crying or having big feelings about something.
None of this is new to me and I’ve done hours upon hours of psychological training to try and find a way to manage it all, but ultimately I can’t change the way I’m wired. It simply is the cold hard truth and I know it, and I feel like I’ve spent my whole life fighting against who I am and against my illness to fit in with people “normal” - only to end up in the same situation.
So how do you logically, realistically, find a way to work with other people in a normal workplace when you’re the one that doesn’t fit?
I’m at my wits end, again, and trying desperately to fight the depression that comes with being unemployed, again. I don’t know how to control this or how to find a place that can last more than a year in. So it all keeps coming back to the same problems, and ultimately the problem is me.
