Lived Experience Forum

[StanD]

Awareness that I am using a broken computer to fix itself.

Feelings of overwhelming responsibility to 'hurry up & recover "

Not knowing, if or when, recovery is even a possibility.

Life starts all over again, like I am a baby. 

How do I manage this? I don't know anything about it.

Feelings of worthlessness. Feelings of extreme isolation.

Days go by. I cannot recall them. I don't know who I am anymore. I have lost sense of self. 

Yes, it is good news - I am not in violently abusive relationships anymore. 

This, is a prison too.

One, I have to fight my way out of.

I don't know how. I have too much adrenaline in my body now.

My body has not learnt to feel safe & relax.

How did I get here?

How can this possibly have happened. To me?

I am intelligent, aren't I? What happened? How on earth did I get so incomprehensibly lost.

Who can I trust now? Anybody?

Will I ever be able to have a real relationship with anyone?

Why are people kind to me? It's all I ever wanted, & concurrently it hurts me the deepest.

I want to give up 

Every moment of everyday.

I see the look in their eyes.

It truly frightens me.

It's scary not knowing if I will make it out.

I don't want to accept that I have this illness now. Its it always going to be there? I hate the answer to this question.

I have to accept the worst. I have to manage my life around my symptoms. 

Maybe I won't get to walk on the beach ever again. Maybe I never have.

I have nightmares. He is in them. Hunting me. Or I have ridiculous crazy dreams.

I need help, all the time.

I need to know there is any value at all for me being on this planet.

Days I feel like there is nothing left. I have used up the reserves of my reserves.

Please let me sleep 

I woke up to the most horrible nightmare.  I found me lying in a gutter, barely breathing.

I don't want this reality. I don't want people to feel sorry for me. I am not a victim. But I am. Because, I didn't cause this.

I don't even know how to live. Everything is new here. No one telling me what to do. All the space is scary. 

[StanD]

I thought of my Number 14

I also want to read other people's if you are brave, or energetic🙂

hypothetically - what if I could be my own BFF?

Stop looking for comfort, advice, instructions, signs, - everything that is outside.

I can be as whiny as I want. And then, try to love myself & accept who I am, as I am. Maybe I am very needy. That is ok. I can be here for me.

It's only an idea, suggestion - I feel like, I'm tired of waiting for other people to see me, or give me what I need. I am the only one who will ever really know what it is like to be me. I can try being kind. Self compassion x

[D1ng0]

"8. Decide to stop being whiny. We make it too easy for ourselves to slip into immature habits that diminish us. Just refuse to be weak. There’s tremendous strength in merely making this decision."

Telling people with multiple mental illnesses to just... decide not to be weak... Calling struggling people whiny and immature... That doesn't seem like the most helpful approach. But maybe that's just me. If it works for you, then that's good.

[StanD]

I have to agree with you @D1ng0 the language used is not appropriate.

My initial reaction was to cringe when I read that, & then I had a 2nd thought about how I am in my psych sessions.

I notice myself complaining.

It feels good to get it out. I have raised my voice & been in tears, with frustration.

Now, if my psych has said 'stop being whiny' - that would be disaster (& maybe comical in very wrong way)

It would have been hurtful. That's not right.

I think, what I am becoming more aware of, is that the mind wants to keep repeating the same path.

We all need to complain & get it out of our system.

When, I can find the strength - what I want for myself, is to reverse the complaining into, 'what do I need' or 'i know what I don't want, so, what is the opposite? And strive for that.

I guess it is very important to have clear direction of what I want from this life.

Thankyou for replying.

Enjoy your day.

[StanD]

I really do like your reply @D1ng0 and I agree completely.

I don't know that 'being whiny' is even a real statement. Self expression is how I like to describe.

I complain lots - because - I am in pain.

I need to complain right now. It could be keeping me alive.

Yet, on the other side - we all have a million sad stories to tell.

That was the past.

I want to let go of all of that.

[D1ng0]

@StanD I'd really hesitate to tell a mentally ill person "stop being whiny," because I have no idea what's going on in their lives, and how hard they're trying. Venting might be the healthier alternative to expressing negative emotions in a more destructive way. And surely people with mental illnesses shouldn't be judged like that? Especially if they're facing ongoing struggles, especially ongoing abuse?

I just think it's important to critique advice which could be harmful, if it's being shared with the whole community.

Also... I just noticed this one...

"12. Quit blaming. I get it. It feels empowering to shift the blame for your perceived losses onto others. And in some cases, yes, maybe others did play a role. But who cares? You ultimately lose when you pitch yourself as a poor widdle victim. Snap out of it and take responsibility."

Yikes.

There are people in this community who have suffered serious abuse at the hands of others. Sometimes over years. I'm trying not to be judgemental, but this advice sounds really toxic, and is not considerate of the range of experiences in our community. There are people here who have survived horrific things. If they recognise themselves as having been victimised, that doesn't mean they should be demeaned like that, or talked down to as "poor widdle victims".

In my opinion, this advice could really hurt people on this forum. Is the person who wrote it actually a mental health professional? Is this coming from someone who's trained to handle complex mental illnesses?

Again, if this advice helps you, that is great. But I'm worried about people feeling pressured to shut up and be fine. That's how this post makes me feel. I have received similar advice from an emotionally abusive person.

[Jynx]

Hi @D1ng0 and @StanD - just jumping in to say that it is true that language used can be incredibly powerful, and sometimes not in a helpful or productive way. I have made some edits to the original post to reflect a more recovery-oriented approach. I hope this is okay, and of course please let us know if you have any questions or concerns. 

[StanD]

Thankyou @Jynx and @D1ng0 .

I think, if you have a problem with the post, then I will remove it. I respect your insights, & if anything I post has potential to hurt anyone, then it must be removed. Thankyou for gently informing me