A long rave

[Angels333]

I'm struggling a bit @Shaz51 but my family's doing well thanks.

Son 1 is loving uni.   Son 2 is in the middle of yr 12 he's been almost accepted into the navy he just has the physical to go.  Daughter is in yr 11 studies hard, too hard almost she suffers from anxiety and burn out.

Husband is my rock.   He really keeps me going.

How's your famIly? How's Mr Shaz?

[eudemonism]

Ok @Shaz51 

I think i get the picture 

At least you have each other

I sometimes wish i had a partner 

So we could look after each other 

But after 14 years of being single and living alone i don't know 

Eude 

[Shaz51]

my mr shaz is recovering from a visit from his very negative mother who spoke of everything negative

he is not talking but overthinking too much  at the momentbut he will get there  @Angels333 

wonderful news about S1 and S2 xx

tender hugs for you and your D1 @Angels333 

sooo glad you have Mr @Angels333 

[Shaz51]

@eudemonism, I was single until I was 43 my friend

and have been married for 12 years now

and have 4 step children

and a frail mother at 88

At least you have each other --- well kind of my friend xx

[eudemonism]

@Shaz51 

[cutiepiekitty]

Hi @Shaz51  and @eudemonism . I am single and often wish I had someone, anyone, to help me out and just be comfortable with. But I have always been to afraid to let anyone close. I end up pushing them away because I never learnt how to trust and don't know how. I keep getting told you do not "learn" it, but you just know. Obviously those people have had a totally different life to me. Now I would like to have someone close but don't know how to meet people. Maybe one day.

[cutiepiekitty]

The counsellor I saw on Tuesday has found someone that comes here that I can go to. They have a maximum fee of $25 but can cut it right down. Am going to give them a go. Much more affordable than over $80, and also I do not have to get to the city for them which costss over $20 for a train ticket. So even of I have to pay the whole amount it will be cheaper. And not being a local person will be easier I think. That way I will not be worried about them letting anything out. I know that they are not meant to, but I still worry. I always worry about being judged.  And I am working on getting someone to help get rid of some of the junk from my house. It will take forever just using the bin and most garden and cleaanup places will not do it because the tip charges them too much. Just contacted the local rehab to see if a couple of their guys could do some tip runs for me (they do a social enterprise contracting / gardening service). I can claim some money on NDIS to help pay for it as long as it is not too many hundreds of dollars in all. If they can I will probably get a load a week or two depending on what my physical health allows me to do. I really want to get this done, and I have made a start. It is already obvious where I have been. But if I cannot get the rubbish taken away then it meaans I am limited by bin space not ability. I can't have someone come in to help me. I trried that a few years ago and that is why I am in the state I am now. They threw everything away they could get their hands on. So precious items were lost. So I did not clean properly for a long time. I have decided that when I get this finished I am going to make every Wednesday cleaning day. That will work because the bin is collected on Thursday. Now I have made the decision I should be able to keep to it. If only I can get the rubbish removed to the tip. I have some boxes to get rid of so will use them to take some stuff and put more in bags. But will not do it more than the bins (rubbish collected weekly, recycle bin fortnightly, so 3 bins a fortnight) until I manage to find someone to get it taken away. 

I guesss it is a start getting to this stage. But who thought it would be so hard getting rubbish removed? The only organisation I found that helps disabled people locally with rubbish removal wil not help if you are eligible for NDIS because it might risk their other funding. So that is no help to anyone .

Sorry for being long. Trying to get my head around things and I feel safe doing it here. Spent an hour on getting rid of junk this afternoon and the body has stopped but the brain does not want to!

[Zoe7]

That all sounds really positive @cutiepiekitty The psychologist coming to your town and the lower fee is awesome  It may take you some time to clean everything out and I hope you can getn someone to help you take things to the tip. Having a day a week to clean things is a good idea. I do that mostly on a Thursday as our bin collection day is Friday - it does help to have that focussed day though. 

Good on you for so many positives today - it makes a real difference when we can get some of these things weighing us down sorted ...or at least on the way to being so. 

[cutiepiekitty]

Thanks @Zoe7 . I suppose making the decisions and getting started were hardest. Now I know I have to make it a habit. I have made Tuesday washing day. I have trouble trying to hang clothes out so would need help, but do not want to let a worker come and do it. So I go to the local Laundromat which is staffed. They are always ready to help any way needed and even give free coffee! The owners are wonderful people, and I have been known to vent with them a couple of times. Now I know I have made that commitment I do it, and if anything comes up (like having to go out of town on Tues for the appointment) I go on the Monday. One week I did not turn up because I was not well and they even checked up on me after lunch because I had not been in! They have a pick up and delivery service I could use if I needed to, but I took the bite that I would get myself out each week and do it myself there. A weeks washing fits in my gopher bag and it is clean and dried for about $14. Much cheaper (and more comfortable for me) than having to get someone come and help. When I need to do blankets it costs a bit extra, but thats fine. 

So I know that I CAN stick to a routine when I get myself into it. Now I have written it and put it out there that I WILL get the place cleaned out and clean through every week when it is done I am sure I will be able to do it. That is something I have just realised......I CAN make myself set a goal and routine and stick to it. I never learnt how to before so I guess that is good. Means that I will be doing Tuesday washing, Wednesday cleaning, Thursday craft and every second Friday in school terms my play date. That is when I look after a bunch of under 2.5 year olds while their mums are in a group doing whatever they do.

Someone asked me one day why I always tell the kids that they are safe and loved when I pick them up to cuddle or settle them. I have had people say that several times since and I have never had an answer. One of the mums answered that last week for and to me......It is because everyone needs and deserves to be safe and loved and you don't know it if you are not told.  She then told me that for the first time ever in my life.  I never knew what it felt like to hear that. I just did what I thought they needed so I suppose that even if we do not get things we know inside they are needed

[Zoe7]

That is so lovely to tell the kids that @cutiepiekitty - that is something we all need - to feel safe and loved  That is really important for me at work to let the kids know that they are safe and loved as well. It is also important to me that they are happy as happy kids learn more.

You seem to have your days sorted and you are right - setting goals like that often help us to get things sorted. It will be great if you can achieve all that and continue each week with the goals you have set. I love that the people from the laundromat checked up on you the day you were sick - they sound like very lovely and caring people and it is gret that you get on with them so well. 

I am off to bed but I will be interested to follow how you go with your goals across the next few weeks. Tag me into updates so I can follow along. Goodnight Hon - hope you sleep well too