not feeling good

[Former-Member]

Hi again @BlueBay

Your welcome ❤️

I hope you are feeling better after last night. I am glad you were able to talk to someone this morning, and she was compassionate and caring towards you.

I think it was great that you were able to open up to your hubby about how you are feeling and that you are not coping too well with things atm. I think that is a huge step for you and I think the more you reach out, the easier it will get for you.

I am not sure if you are aware but  I also have a diagnosis of having BPD and I understand the struggles you go through, and the stress of day to day living. I have to say it does get better, I was only diagnosed about two years ago.

I know you said you struggle because you have been through this all your life and I truly feel for you. I am not sure what I want most in the world but I do know I just want to be happy and have peace of mind.

I hope you have felt a bit better today!

[BlueBay]

Hi @Former-Member

This morning I am actually calm, if you can believe that.  It's a strange feeling, like the 'calm before the storm'!!!  God i hope not!!!

Yes sometimes i do get really nice people on the people from the CAT team. I couldn't remember if you had BPD, there are so many names on here that I get confused with who's got what 🙂

I think being diagnosed with BPD at a later stage in life is even harder because you are set in your ways for such a long time and then you are challenged to change them. It's really hard.

I too want to be at peace and happy and the rest well I don't know either.

Thank you for understanding.

How are you coping? What are you plans for today? I have to go to work even though i still feel crap from the asthma, but it's a distraction.  Seeing my GP tonight reg. asthma and hopefully a quiet and calm weekend ahead.

Take care @Former-Member xxxooo

[BlueBay]

I knew the calm feeling wouldn't last long. I'm feeling destructive emotional and ready to go away.
Waiting to see my GP. I really hate everything at the moment.

[Decadian]

Hi @BlueBay

I'm sorry I only just read all the messages about you have written with all your despair and frustration

I have been busy today and I have had sinus pressure - but I am here now

Having a calm and peaceful life is everything - we are all working toward that so yes - we understand that

If I were you on this Friday night with a weekend ahead of you and your moods up and down like a bride's nightie I would be feeling very scared as if there was no where else to go - and it makes sense that you would want to go away

All the best with your GP - tell him everything and don't hold back

My love

Dec

[BlueBay]

Hi @Decadian

I cried and I cried even more.  i told my GP how bad i am and need hospital now.  he said unfortunately he can't do anything and the CAT team think i am "not at risk". 

He said to come in over the weekend and chat to the other doctor that's on.  I said no i don't want to. i told him i wish i was in hospital tonight but then i would lose pay. it's a vicious cycle and he said well what's worth more, your health or money; i said i didn't care anymore. he replied i think you do know that you want to get better, but you are so damn frustrated and so emotional.

Dec, i don't know anymorre, i am so over it.  so over everything, i try and try

[Former-Member]

Hi @BlueBay 

I'm doing ok, just been a bit tired today!!

I get confused too with so many peoples stories but not everyones.

I am hoping you start to feel better soon.

I saw my specialist today and just keep doing what I have been doing.

[Decadian]

Hi @BlueBay

I can tell how over it you are - you are exhausted.

Your health means more than money - I think Huffnpuff gets under your skin about that one -

I dropped in to see what was happening - mostly to see how you are going tonight - I got a script from the so I can get some Keflex to take if I need them for sinusitis - so I can have a box of antibiotics ready - and I hope it doesn't get bad again like it was a few weeks ago

But yes - I can tell you are just hanging on the the end of your rope - it's good to know that you are thought of as being "not at risk" - just exhausted - and need some space

Thinking of you heaps

Dec

[BlueBay]

@Decadian
I'm sooo over everything. I can't tell you just how I'm feeling but you prob know. Chatted on line to lifeline last night they were going to call authorities. I asked if they could help me but no one came. Maybe I need to be more specific. I was no good. Still anxiety really high due to no money. I can't tskr this anymore. I'm done. I just need to get into hospital bed in private hospital. Snd my stupid psych still didn't call me. How dare he not ring. Ok he's busy but when the CAT team tell him I'm not good snd going to ring him you would think he would phone.
Glad you got some antibiotics hope you get better soon. My asthma is still with me
Dec what do I do? Xxxx

[traveller]

 Hi Bluebay, it sounds like you are really struggling at the moment and didnt get the respnse you wanted...It sounds you are right in saying you might need to be more specific and let them know exactly how you feel. Unfortunately we are not a crisis service and are not able to provide anything more than emotional support. I hope you are able to reach out this morning and access what you need. Take care of yourself. Traveller.

[BlueBay]

I think I'm scared @traveller. I'm crying because I need help and not getting it. No money for anything can't buy. Nothing maybe nit even food. I'm so upset.