Lived Experience Forum

[Captain24]

Wishing you a much better day than yesterday @Snowie 

How are you feeling

[Snowie]

Thanks @Captain24 

Have you got any plans for today?

I don't think I should say on here.

[Captain24]

I’m babysitting mums dog today @Snowie. The three of them together make a racket! I now understand why mum couldn’t look after them while I was in hospital. 

I have an appointment with my CM today and I’m quite scared as to how that is going to go. 

Im also trying to do an assignment. I don’t think I can do this. I’m just not smart enough. I’m going to have to extend the due date. 

Is there anything I can do? I’m sorry it’s still so hard. 

[Snowie]

I hope they don't make too much of a racket @Captain24 Two dogs are hard work, three must be a nightmare!!

Why are you scared about your appointment with you CM?

You are smart enough to do this course hon. It will get easier as you go along. You are just starting to get back into studying, that can be hard. Just give yourself a break. If you need an extension then so be it.

Not much anyone can do. Just let myself down.

[Captain24]

I honestly don’t know how mum and dad do it @Snowie. Especially when I’m on nightshift. They have settled down a little and aren’t as wild. 

I haven’t even answered the first question yet. I can extend it myself for up to 14 days. But I have another one due the . So I’m hoping I can finish it next break and start the other one. 

My CM seems to be a bit harsh with me at the moment. She hasn’t supported me at all. All she is going to say is that I need to go back to hospital sooner rather than later. My psych says that the hospital is just money hungry. But I need to get enough leave to be able to go anyway. I just feel pulled in so many directions and no one is listening. No one is hearing me. I have done things to myself numerous times but apparently that’s ok. Apparently that’s normal. Apparently I’m just adjusting. It’s all just making everything worse. 

Sorry about this. I just need to get it all out somewhere. 

Are you able to start fresh and put it all in the past you can’t change what’s happened but you can start again? I know it’s easier said than done as we focus on the what was not what is. 

[Snowie]

Thats hard if you feel like your CM hasn't been supportive of you @Captain24 

I find my psych takes a very different approach to my pdoc. My pdoc is much more meds/hospital based.

Do you find that? Perhaps this might be why you feel you are pulled in many different directions.

Yes they do need money to keep in business, but at the same time I don't think that the nurses there think that. Yes it is a job that pays, but at the same time they can't fake the compassion and care that they give to you.

I am assuming you are talking about sh. It does make it hard when people just brush it off. Especially when we have so many emotions around it, so much guilt and shame that can't be just swept under the carpet.

Don't be sorry about getting things out hon. If it helps in any small way then it is worth it. We all need an outlet at times. Here is the perfect place to do it.

With your assignment all you can do is try hon. I have faith in you and belief in you that you can do it. 

I wish I could start fresh. I've already stuffed up today.

[creative_writer]

@Captain24 sorry to hear that you’re not feeling supported by CM and heard. Sending you lots of love and hugs. We are here for you 💖🫂

[Captain24]

I think my CM is looking at discharging me. Maybe that is why she is making things feel difficult. @creative_writer @Snowie Ye I’m talking about SH. It’s the worst it’s been in a long time. 

My Pdoc is really good she is all about listening and helping as well as meds. 

I’ve done half the assessment. I don’t think it’s right but if I fail they send it back to me with guidance on where I went wrong so I can resubmit it. There is no failing in this course. They help you until you pass. If you don’t get it after the second or third try they call you and go through it. 

Im sorry that the day has already started out bad @Snowie. Is there anything that you can do for yourself as self care? 

[espressologic]

Hi @Captain24 , sorry to hear the self-harm has been coming back for you strongly. I would ask you that same question you've asked @Snowie about self-care, do you have some things you can try doing to distract yourself when the self-harm urges get really strong? Could we help you come up with some new ideas? 

[Snowie]

That might be the case with your CM @Captain24 I can't really comment on it as I have never had one myself so not sure how it all works. It's good that you have a supportive, caring pdoc. It does help when we have those type of people supporting us. Nice to know that someone is in our corner.

I'm sorry about the sh hon. It's hard when we have little control over it. Is there any distraction tools that are helping?

Thats good about your course. They really seem to want people to understand what they are studying. I like that you get more then once chance if you need it. Takes the pressure of a little.