My special place

[Snowie]

Thats a problem @rav3n I can't see a better headspace. 

Yes our moods go up and down, we have good days and bad yet I don't want anymore days.

I'm sorry

I have a list of self care to do that I'm trying. My psych is big on this. I've been trying to just be so, to just sit To try and take it moment by moment. 

[rav3n]

that's okay @Snowie you don't have to apologise for the way you feel, i'm glad you're able to open up in this space and speak your mind. i know it's been really rough for you recently, and you've got a lot going on. remember how we talked about the 'want' last week? what we want changes, and right now you "don't want anymore day" but that will change too, and in the future when you look back on this day you're going to realise how much strength you built from overcoming these moments.

it's great you got a list of self-care, is there one you try now while you're talking to me? 

even just taking some deep breathes with me - try 2 inhales through the nose and 1 exhale through the mouth (repeat as many time as you'd like). 

if you can speak more to your hubby tonight, please do reach out to him. i'd also like to encourage you to reach out to any of the crises services i linked earlier (i'll copy it under here too). you can do this and you deserve to be heard.  

Lifeline 13 11 14 https://www.lifeline.org.au/ 
Lifeline Text Support 0477 131 114 https://www.lifeline.org.au/crisis-text/ 
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 
https://www.suicidecallbackservice.org.au/ 
If feeling unsafe, please contact 000

[Snowie]

The 'want' is the hard part @rav3n trying not to give into it

I've been listening to a lady named Dr Lisa Ciechomski on Spotify. She has a body scan, breathing space and a few others that help. I got onto her through my psych. She has a good voice to listen too.

Hubby is asleep now, which is where I think I need to go. I have taken my meds and prn so hoping that will help with my sleep. I will put on some white noise to hopefully help.

If sleep doesn't come I will ring someone.

Thanks for the wise words as usual. It has helped to talk to someone tonight.

[rav3n]

i hear you about the 'want' being the hard @Snowie especially when you're so exhausted from everything else, it's hard to remember the things that keep you going - perhaps you have a list of reasons to keep going that may help? 

Dr Lisa Ciechomski sounds helpful, I'm going to check that out tonight - thanks for sharing that!

Sounds like a good plan you've got there, hope you sleep well and feel better tomorrow - i'll be here tomorrow as well if you'd like to talk 💙

[rav3n]

Hey @Snowie how'd you sleep last night? 

[Snowie]

Got to sleep ok @rav3n Staying asleep was an issue.  Had a nightmare, dissociated and couldn't get back to sleep. 

[rav3n]

oh no @Snowie that must've been unsettling - have you tried sleep music on Spotify? not sure if they're effective for everyone but my sister listens to one every night and knocks out within 15 minutes each time.

[Snowie]

If I wake up during the night I struggle to get back to sleep @rav3n 

Have tried listening to different music/pod casts and white light. Sometimes it helps but not always. Just another thing

[Snowie]

Spent all morning taking mum to different shops that were too far away for her to drive. Shouted her to morning tea.

But I don't do anything for her. I don't care about her. I have no compassion.

So over it

[Ru-bee]

@Snowie that must be so very frustrating to not have her acknowledge all that you do for her. 

I know it isn't quite the same, but we see what the things you do for your mum, and the time and the care you give even when it doesn't seem to be appreciated. 

I hope you got yourself something yummy for yourself for morning tea