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Yes, aging isn't an entirely pleasant process - & it's not just dogs that are affected by it 😉 I used to have Great Danes & I have experienced fear, particularly when they aged. But I always realized they were suffering pain of some kind, sometimes that pain was not obvious physical pain, but there are many types of pain. I do worry about my Amstaff, when he gets to that stage of life; but I guess I feel the love & laughter I share in his company is worth the risk for me 
I believe I will accept, as I have done in the past, the different stages of my companions lives. That's not to say my experience is anything like yours, we are all different & have vastly different experiences. I have had to euthanize a canine companion, he would not stop ending lives & I could not have him live his entire life on the end of a chain. Dogs brains develop according to their experiences too & they are just as affected by them.
@eth Being triggered with mouth open is so hard.
Congrats for being a nanna.
@Mazarita Go easy on the number of deadlines you set. Knitting can be calming. With so much on something has to give. Still the video work and opportunity is terrific.
Gently Bently All
Today I have to go through ward file, got triggered yesterday and last week as could not find the page I needed to complete a redress form. Each time I read it different memories and feeling totally flood me. I will be glad when I can put it behind me. At least I have a lady a counsellor on the phone talking me through it.
Take Care
Good morning, everyone. The clear-minded dawn hour. Time to catch up on posts from yesterday.
@greenpea, you touched my heart saying you would tell me your stories that are unspoken on the forum, even in the space given by anonymity here. I wish I could be there with you to hear them too. Hugs.
@saturnzoon, I know how hard social anxiety can be. Keep trying to get to the shops, even if you don't make it all the way there for quite a while. If you keep trying, you will make it eventually. Every little step outside our comfort zone, expands our range of possibilities, and then you might find yourself going much further over time. Hugs to you too.
@CheerBear, hoping you've had some okay news about the turn your unwell person took yesterday, and that the day was not too wonky. I finally saw your image from yesterday morning. That calm space you have there looks so bright and beautiful. It's wonderful thinking of you in a lovely morning environment.
@eth, so sorry you went through a revisiting of your terrible trauma at the denture clinic yesterday. Pleased to hear the nurse was kind and that your support worker was there to take you to the beach for some quiet time in nature afterwards. I know what you mean by emotional hangover. Curling up in a ball for a while sounds like a reasonable response to that. Hope you're feeling better this morning. Thanks too for your understanding about how extra high nerves and anxiety can create frozen states of being, and for reminding me that the process of the knitting was the main thing really. Glad to say the creative impetus has started kicking in with the video. I've been doing quite a lot to prepare for the hands-on process of making it, while still waiting for the soundtrack.
@Exoplanet, I'm kind of glad you take a rest day from going places with the dogs every now and then, as you deserve some relax time just for you. Your words yesterday were balm to my heart and mind and I agree with others who were appreciating your big heart and way of seeing things. The past week has been a big swirl. As you guessed, and made clearer to me, I was in the process of suddenly changing my sense of life priorities. Video does have to take top spot for now, and I'm feeling more confident and 'in gear' with that at this point. I'm impressed by your system of only having a smoke once an hour. I've been smoking my head off during this stressful week. Might need to try your approach, seems like a good one.
@Teej, hope your big day yesterday went well and wasn't too exhausting. My strange and vivid dreams are continuing too, and my psychiatrist yesterday told me this is a known side effect of one of my meds. I wonder if we are taking the same anti-depressant. Some of the dreams I'm having are wonderful (repeated flying dreams), more of them a bit awful. I had one the other day in which I was publicly humiliated over stealing a packet of cigarette papers! Lol. I've also had ones, a bit like yours, in which I didn't know how to care for sick or neglected children. In one of them, a baby seemed to die in my arms. My friend, the psychic counsellor, believes these dreams are a way of processing a lot of stuff I've kept suppressed in various ways over quite some time. Like your psychologist, she thinks they are a good thing. Hugs for the bad feelings they can engender for some time after waking, something I'm finding familiar at the moment too.
@outlander, it's news to me that you have TAFE sorted. What is the course? I'm so proud of you for making it to further study. Hope your fussy aunt appreciates your latest efforts for the baby blanket. I think you are very tolerant to have been repeatedly trying to please her. I agree that if she's not into this one, she can go crochet one herself!
@Appleblossom, I hope you have been able to find the page for the redress form. It will be so good when you can put all these difficult processes behind you. Good to hear you had a counsellor on the phone helping you with the difficult emotions. A much more peaceful day to you today.
Yesterday I slept until about midday, avoiding the world. Then got myself showered and out the door, with C driving me to my psychiatrist appointment. As is often the case, I found the session with my psychiatrist very helpful and relieving. No change of meds unless I feel I am starting to go hypomanic. He has left that decision to me during this next four week period until I see him again. After that, we went to visit our friend. Then home to some prep work on the video, some chat with C during the evening, and in bed by about 10.30pm.
As is often the case, feeling good at this time of the day. It may not last over the day, but for now I'm enjoying it. Sending kind wishes to all for a peaceful start to the day.
@CheerBear, good to hear you were able to get out your long rave, just for yourself to clear you mind. It's amazing what words on the page can sometimes do in that way, clearing the mind, helping us feel more in control and able to cope with what at first seems impossible to deal with. There is a lot going on for you. Wise that you are leaving yesterday where it was. Hugs and kindest wishes that things work out for the best.
Oh yes, daylight savings. Reminds me to be prepared to be living for some months in an alternate time zone to many others. May those peaceful feelings in your morning stretch out long into the day.
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