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[Purplekat13]

Hi everyone 

It might be an unusual forum title but it is an honest question.

How do you move on from family induced trauma involving religion and God?

All my life I have been mistreated by my family and then told, God doesn't want me to be happy, I have to prove my worth to Him by doing all these things that my family wanted me to do.

I have since the age of 12yrs old become non religious and still believe that there is something greater than us out there that may be called God, the universe or something else. 

I have also chosen to try to live a happy life, and not do anything I'll regret as much as is possible. I try to help people where I can, though I often get taken advantage of.

My immediate family say I'm an atheist, which I'm not and therefore either want to convert me to a Christian based religion or disown me.

What do I do?

[Glisten]

@Purplekat13 Hey 👋🏼 Welcome to the forum.

First I want to say, what happened to you is a horrible. You did not deserve any of it.

 You are perfect just the way you are.

How do you move on? 
It takes time. The safer I feel, the more my subconscious unpacks the truth.

Almost two years later I’m still putting pieces of my trauma puzzle 🧩 together.

@Jynx and @tyme will have better things information for you.

G

[babyshark]

Hi @Purplekat13 and welcome to SANE!

Thanks so much for joining us and sharing your story.

We hope you are able to benefit from the support and wonderful community SANE has to offer. And don't worry, you're not alone. Please everyone help Purplekat13 feel welcome 🙂

Cheers,

babyshark

[Alisse]

Hi @Purplekat13 

Thank you for sharing this deeply personal struggle. I understand that trauma and religion can be especially challenging to talk about, and I hope to offer some comfort in what seems like a difficult family situation.

It's clear you have put a lot of thought into your beliefts and how you choose to life your life. That shows strength, courage and vulnerability and it's something to be respected. 

When is comes to family induced trauma, especially involving religion and your relationship with God or any personal belief system, it's important to recognise that your journey and beliefs are valid.  

May I suggest, it is ok to set respectfully boundaries with your family, especially if their actions cause you pain or push you into a belief system you don't feel aligns with who you are.

Seeking out spaces where your beliefs and values are respected, whether in a community, with friends, or through support groups, may be helpful.

Your desire to live a happy life and help others is admirable. You've consciously chosen a path of happiness and goodness, which, I think is a beautiful and meaningful way to live. 

You don't have to navigate this alone.  We are here to support you as you work through these feelings and find a path that feels true and right for you.

Be kind to yourself.

Kindly Alisse

[tyme]

Hi there @Purplekat13 , how are you going with everything? I hope things have been more settled for you lately. I'm here if you need a chat!

[Purplekat13]

I am taking one day at a time at the minute. Though I now realize that I have ultimately seen mostly the ugly side of religion. 

Thank you for your reply to my post and I am glad to hear that you are happy to chat with me☺️

[Purplekat13]

Hi Alisse, thank you for your words of support. 

I struggle with respectful boundaries with my family, especially with my parents.

My father believes I'm an atheist, when I'm not and I have told him so, because I rejected his teachings on God, Christ and the Bible. He isn't a Priest or a Man of the Church, he just took his own Roman Catholic upbringing with his readings of the Bible to come up with his own version of what it means to live a life that will make him be accepted into Heaven and get God's blessings.

The reasons I rejected his version of 'living for God's as he puts it in because it is extremely depressing. He says that we are not living this life to have fun, but to work and that we need to hate this life and look forward to the next life to be accepted by God and go to heaven.

I don't feel like I need to get into anymore details for you to get the picture.

I have tried to explain to my father to no avail that I am agnostic and that it really doesn't matter in the end, all I want to do is have a happy relationship with him.

He says that I can do what I like as I'm and adult and I agreed on this, but I also asked for him to accept me as who I am and he said that he cannot do that.

Since this conversation my father rarely speaks to me and mostly avoids me all together. If he does happen to say anything to me, it mostly is small talk Cos he feels he has to.

This alone hurts. All I ever did was a child was do what I could to get my parents acceptance. I now realize that this will never happen. 

I hope I haven't dumped on you and I apologize if I have.

I have been learning how to be kind to myself because of what's happened and I thank you for your support 🤗

[Glisten]

@Purplekat13 I just re-read your post from last week.

You said: I try to help people where I can, though I often get taken advantage of.

Boundaries. I was never taught about Boundaries.

If I expressed or put my own needs first, I was verbally abused and told I was selfish.

I strongly recommend that you educate yourself on using Boundaries.

@tyme might do a Thursday night PGC on Personal Boundaries and how not to be taken advantage of?

What I have learned is bullying, emotional and psychological abuse is about control. People project their fear and their guilt.

I think, I just had my 1st anniversary with SANE - @moderator can you please confirm? And I have evolved a LOT since I arrived.

The only constant thing in life is change.

G

[tyme]

Great idea @Glisten ! Thanks! I'll add that to the list.

[Purplekat13]

Hi Glisten

Thank you for your reply.

I have no problems with setting boundaries with my husband, my children and work nowadays, but I still struggle with boundaries with my parents. 

The reason being is I feel that as soon as I voice how I feel and what I'd like as a boundaries I am met with 'you are criticizing our parenting ' or 'we are your parents and you have to do what we say or at least acknowledge what we say' or ' we gave you life and you clearly don't appreciate it and we are much more experienced at life because we are older than you' 

In these cases I feel humiliation, I feel resentment, I feel that I am soo small and so insignificant that I don't matter at all and that my existence is no more significant than an item or an inconvenience to them.

This is really what I am really struggling with even after no longer living with them the past 13yrs. 

I just feel that I still have no real importance to them and therefore have no way of negotiating with them or building on anything with them. I also feel as if I have no tools to deal with this .

I agree with you that it is their fear and their guilt is being projected but I don't know how to use this knowledge to help myself in this situation 🙂