I can’t cope

[Ru-bee]

I'm glad that she was able to listen to you in this appointment @Captain24 

If she had asked you about your safety what would you have told her?

You're always welcome and wanted here. I know it's so hard when your supports change and things get reshuffled due to understaffing or other factors, but these are no reflection on you 

[Captain24]

I would’ve said that I’m not sure @Ru-bee. Something just nearly happened on my drive home. Not my fault.

I did go an sit in the park by the river for a little bit. I haven’t done that in ages. 

Im scared to start with someone new or maybe they will just kick me out. I’m not ready for that. But I guess if they don’t have the staff I’m not worthy of staying there. 

[Ru-bee]

Sitting by the river sounds really lovely, is it a nice day in your neck of the woods @Captain24 ?

I'm imaging the quiet sounds of running water from the river and some birds tweeting away in the trees, maybe a nice light breeze rustling the leaves and a nice clear bright sky above.

Let's challenge that thought a bit. If the service is understaffed it points to potential issues with:

1. Lack of government funding into training and education to get people into these roles

2. Lack of organisation which lead to not enough people being hired

3. A greater number of people than expected requiring the service 

Those are just factors I can think of, there could be more and it could be any one of them. What I know for sure though is that it is not a reflection of your worthiness, it is a fault with the service, or even with the system, but not with you.

The lack of clarity and communication around what will happen once your current CM leaves is also pointing to a fault with the service, surely they should be keeping you informed on what will happen next. Do you feel able to ask for that information?

[Captain24]

It’s quite cool here @Ru-bee There’s clouds in the sky and a cool breeze. I should take a photo of the park one day. 

It’s at the local hospital and we’re in a small town so I guess it’s about funding and the influx of people. I have an appointment with her in a month so I will find out then. It’s a long wait though. I guess if they kick me out I’ll understand, others are more important than me. 

I actually cried in my appointment today so I’m hoping that she saw my need for help. I have cried on her before, I usually keep it in. That should’ve shown something. 

Im becoming addicted to my sleeping tablets. I’ve just taken one so I can go back to bed and sleep. I have no one to talk to about this as my GP is leaving as well. There’s just too much change to cope with. I have a new GP but I’m not sure I like him. I don’t have a psychiatrist either. There is one the community mental health but I haven’t seen her since the end of January. 

I really wished she had have asked the safety question. Bed is my only option. 

[Ru-bee]

That is a lot of change going on for you @Captain24 having your care team shifting like this must be stressful and it's understandable that you would be unsure of who to talk to. 

When is your GP leaving? Would it be possible for you to talk to them about this growing dependence on sleeping pills to keep yourself safe before they leave?

[Captain24]

He is leaving in December @Ru-bee. I tried to get an appointment with him and I can’t get in.

[Captain24]

I’ve woken up, I haven’t woken up very well. I’m tired and drained. I’ve got nothing left in me. 

My thoughts are even stronger. 

[Captain24]

Content/trigger warning

What I finally finished, in amongst unsafe thoughts and my developing addiction to my sleep tablets and a few hours sleep. 

@Jynx 

[Captain24]

Anyone around? 

[tyme]

Hey @Captain24 ,

How are you today? Great to see you.

I love your lego pic you posted above!

I'm sorry things continue to be so hard. Have you seen your psych since? The one that talked about the depressive episode?