Lived Experience Forum

[GlossyHygrocybe]

We have been having problems for a while. I went to hospital and then returned home and it started on a horrible note with a huge fight but it improved over the last few days. Last night we went for a walk and had a really wonderful chat and I felt reassured that she does want to spend her life with me and the feeling is very mutual and we laughed all night and cuddled and watched TV shows together. Today she came back from her dance class and sat me down and said she doesn't want me to contact her during her trip because it is time for herself and her friends. This is a trip that she uninvited me from the day I was leaving the hospital and she had picked me up. I am glad she is setting these boundaries for herself. I can't help but feel hurt. Last night we spoke about how I am adjusting to new medications and that I am feeling like I need reassurance from her. She heard me and I heard her and we cuddled until we both got tired and went to our respective rooms. I don't want to talk to her constantly I know this is her time but a check in would be nice. Just because things have been so tumultuous I can't help but feel like its a rejection or like I have done something wrong when I am trying my best. I feel like this is another avenue for her to punish me for being unwell 

[LilMapleLeaf]

Hi @GlossyHygrocybe 

Oft I feel you, that sting of rejection and the mental clash of understanding her boundaries but still being upset. It's a tough one and you aren't alone in feeling that.

It seems like overall things are going well though so hold onto that. Have you had a chance to explain how you're feeling about what she said and how you're hurting? It seems like you both have some amazing open conversation going already.

[tyme]

Hey @GlossyHygrocybe ,

It is understandable you feel hurt and dejected. These are all very valid feelings. 

Yet at the same time, I wonder if you can make up your mind and plan to better yourself during the time your partner is away?

In the past, I lived in defeat when I was rejected and left out of things, yet I've now learnt that it doesn't do me any good. I live by "seize the opportunity" to better myself in even the worst scenarios.

Thoughts?

[GlossyHygrocybe]

I am focusing on self-soothing this weekend. I feel like I am moving through some kind of grief at the moment and I don't want it to impact my relationship which it already has. I have a CBT book for autistic adults which I am going to start today and having some friends over for dinner. I really just need to feel like I am a good person worthy of someones time and affection, I need to give that to myself first. The need to get it externally is too great sometimes.