My special place

[Snowie]

Hi @NatureLover 

I'm not sure why I'm finding it hard on here at the moment. I think it is just more of a 'me' thing than anything else.

I find it really hard to leave the house. I'm ok taking S to school since I don't get out of the car so won't run into anyone, but the thought of seeing someone I know when I do leave the house increases my anxiety a lot. Yes it is more the socialisation part of it.

I am hoping the appt. for my mum gives us some answers we need and an 'official' diagnosis. Even though we have a diagnosis, it is not official 🤷‍♀️. Hopefully too we can then apply for funding to get her help in her house.

I hope your catch up goes ok hon. I know you find them difficult. Hopefully you only have to stay for a short amount of time. I hope the rest of your day goes ok too.

@creative_writer wishing you a good day too hon.

[NatureLover]

Thanks for your good wishes @Snowie .

Does your mother live in a bungalow behind your house? I had imagined she lived in your house with you. That's better if she's in her own house!

Sorry you're finding it hard on here at the moment. Please let me know if I can help in any way. 

I can empathise with finding it hard to leave the house. I'd be happy to never leave the house again! Even though mine is agoraphobia rather than the socialisation aspect. It take a while (days) to psych up to leave the house for me, even just for a shopping trip. For a bigger event it takes weeks to psych up. I only feel safe at home. 

[creative_writer]

Morning @NatureLover and @Snowie, wishing you both a kind day ❤️ . I totally relate with anxiety leaving the house, I have had social anxiety since I was really young, never felt comfortable in social situations. Being someone with ASD, I do find them overstimulating at times too

[Snowie]

I've don't feel comfortable in social situations either @creative_writer It does increase your anxiety.

@NatureLover my mum lives in a small unit attached to our house. It has a bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, so on, so she can live independently still. I don't think I would cope if she lived with us. Even though I love her, she is the complete opposite to me! 

I'm sorry you have so much trouble leaving the house. I find I need to psych myself up too. Thats why I hate it when Hubby organises things last minute. I haven't had time to get myself 'ready' for them. Home is the only place I feel safe too. I would say my psych's office is probably next.

[creative_writer]

@Snowie I think trauma can sometimes make one anxious around people too. My bed feels safer than being out

[Snowie]

I think you are right @creative_writer 

I also find people are uncomfortable around me. Maybe they don't know what to say, or maybe it is just me. Not too sure on that one.

Bed is a safe space for me too.

I do find it weird that bed is where I can have my worst nightmares, but at the same time it is my safe place. 

[creative_writer]

@Snowie I think sometimes our anxieties can also make us read too much into things, I know I've had moments where I analysed my choice of words, but reality is, people probably won't remember everything you say or judge you as much as you think.

It can be strange. I've certainly have had nightmares in bed too, yet it feels safer under the covers. I think being under the covers is what makes me feel safe, it feels like a warm cozy hug. The weather has also been cooler, the cold does not help with depression. Staying warm helps me feel better

[Snowie]

Wow what a day. I am mentally and physically exhausted.

Started the day with an appt. and then my gp appt. I told her things weren't great but didn't go into detail with her. Just got what I needed and then got out.

Then I had Mum's appt. Was a two hour round trip to start off with. Was in the appt. for about 2 hours. Doctor was really nice. Started with a history and then the questions started. Dr asked about what my mum had noticed about herself that was different and then the changes that I had detected in her. Then the assessment started. Mum got asked all these different questions. She could answer some but the more she couldn't answer, the more she got upset.

Then Dr spoke about where to from here. She has to have a PET scan and then another appt. with another specialist. He said the next appt. goes for about 4 hours.

Dr then talked about some things she could do to help herself like exercising more and socialising more. I doubt if she will do either for various reasons I won't go into.

Then he spoke about her still driving and that this could change in the near future. I think he said this just to plant the seed in her brain so when it comes to that (and it will) that it won't be a complete shock to her.

Well we got out and she just broke down crying. Said she would rather be dead and that if she lost her license than that would be the end of her.

Sat in the car for about 30 mins trying to calm her down before we drove home.

Got home then explained everything to my Aunt (who came down for 5 days to visit my mum) and where we go to from here. I guess at least she has her for company, takes a bit of the stress of me.

So after quite a few prn today, I made it to the end. Between the thoughts I am having and today's appt. I am completely done. I am even too tired to eat.

If you have made it this far than thanks for reading this.

[Zoe7]

@Snowie 🥰

[creative_writer]

@Snowie it sounds like a very rough day. Sending you lots of love and hugs, always here for you 💖💖💖🤗.