Lived Experience Forum

[_42_]

I hope this is the right place to post, still new here.

 I guess I’m wondering if anyone else feels like I do, I am not fully diagnosed for a plethora of reasons but the main one is that I’m scared and I would have a lot of trouble trying to explain why… I do know that I’m worried I won’t get a straight answer or that I’ll be told there is no reason why I am this way.. I have read so many sites on different mental and physical disorders and I don’t fit anywhere.. I’ve been broken for so long and everyday life is such an enormous struggle for me, I developed an ED about 8 years ago after my daughter was born sleeping, along with ptsd. It has gotten steadily worse but it doesn’t match what I’ve read from others, my triggers for one at first it was just if I had bad food and then the food had to match the weather and I’ve always had texture problems but it’s gotten so bad nowadays I have to eat exactly what I am craving or I can’t stomach it and even then not always, any anxiety or stress and I’m gone.. just trying to decide what to eat drives me to tears most days and that’s not even the start of daily struggles between not being able to get out of bed uncontrollable anger outbursts the constantly feeling over stimulated by everything the days when I can feel every bit of myself touching myself (skin folds ect) lately even my child and partner can’t touch me because it’s just to much for me to handle. I’m so tired all the time I hate myself so much and I’m so tired of being so unloveable and scared.. Living in my body is literal torture and somedays.. I can’t write what it makes me want to do but.. I just don’t want to be me anymore, I need help but if there isn’t help out there I just don’t think I could take that… 

[8ppleTree]

Hi @_42_ 

I'm sorry 💜 That's a lot to cope with. Hopefully reaching out can be a healing step for you. 

There is help. Speaking to your GP may also help you get the appropriate referral you need. You can also get in touch with SANE's free counselling service to speak to a trained counsellor, call the SANE helpline on 1800 187 263 or send an email at getsupport@sane.org.

Some medications may help, too. Although only a trained professional who knows your situation would be able to advise on that. 

Please feel free to continue to reach out here on the forums. You're not alone x 

[NatureLover]

Hi and welcome, @_42_ , it's good you've joined 🙂

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your daughter and for all you're suffering 😢

Do you have any professional support? Like a counsellor, meds, psychologist or psychiatrist?

I also must eat exactly what I'm craving or I can't stomach it. 

Sending you good wishes that you can find the help you want, and that your suffering will ease...