Sometimes It’s So Exhausting

[Miro800]

Hello, 

I was diagnosed with cPTSD in 2005. What many people don’t understand is that the multiple traumas endured from childhood through to the teens leave scars. Permanently. 

It only takes one event or a handful of events for the scars to be torn open. All the years of hard work to make sure the scars are healed well can come undone with one event or a handful of events. 

After 20 years of therapy, here I am again. There is nothing much else that can be done but to allow the scars to bleed out, and allow the healing to begin again. Except Time won’t stand still, nor Life, nor work. 

It is exhausting picking myself up again … and again …and again.

[Ru-bee]

Hi @Miro800 

Welcome to the forums

It sounds like your journey has been filled with lots of challenges, and set-backs, and times where it feels like no progress or healing has occurred at all... But it also sounds like it's been filled with strength and determination and resilience.

I know it gets exhausting, but I just want to cheer you on for all those times you have picked yourself up in the past, and all the times you will in the future.

[Dreamy]

Hello @Miro800 and welcome to the forums. I totally agree with you, the traumas suffered during childhood and throughout our lives leave permanent scars. Healing is no easy task and you're right that it sometimes can only take one thing to make everything come undone. 

I too feel the exhaustion of having to pick yourself up time and time again, each time it all falls apart there's more and more pieces that I struggle to put them all back together. 

Please know that you are not alone and we are here to support you however we can. Always happy to chat if you'd like to. Take care, you have come so far already and you should be proud of yourself for that. 

[Miro800]

Thank you for that reminder. I still find it difficult to give myself a pat on my back and acknowledge anything to do with myself. @Ru-bee 

[Miro800]

Hello @Dreamy it feels good to know that I am not alone. I have never used forums like this before. My journey has always been alone and with little or no support. So I am glad that I took a step to write a post. Thank you. 

[Dreamy]

@Miro800 I've found the forums to be an amazing community of support and I hope you do aswell. Is there things that you enjoy doing, hobbies, sports, going for walks etc?

[balance37]

@Miro800 I'm glad you were able to post here. You are always welcome to share. As a fellow C-PTSD survivor, I really appreciate the anonymity of the forums and also the love and support from others with lived experience. I'm sorry to hear that you have to deal with trauma that should never have been yours to carry in the first place.

And you're right about trauma, it never really goes away. It gets easier with time, if you have the opportunity and means to work on it all, but something inevitably comes along in life that will be a trigger, and it all seems to come flooding back. I have noticed for me, that even when it does come flooding back, I am a lot stronger and wiser, and I know I can get through it (again). You've got this, I believe that to be true! Sharing your experience and seeking support shows me that already.

[Miro800]

Thank you. It is good for me having other perspectives. Its validating.

[Miro800]

I enjoy photography and being creative.