Hi @Former-Member

Thank you 

I tried the CAT team about 30 times, left a message and STILL waiting for their call.  It's pathetic, it really is. I was so ready last night to ask for help and I was crying and begging them to answer their phone.

I ended up making myself a cup of tea, hubby was too worried about going to sleep as he had to go to work early this morning!!

When I went to bed last night, I was so angry with hubby. And that's when all the tears came out and I just couldn't stop crying.  My daughter found me in bed trying to call the CAT team and I asked her to call my hubby.  He came downstairs and I said my depression is not good, i was sobbing.  and then i apologised to him (don't know why i did that for) but he then gave me a hug. I so needed that.  He then says just come upstairs and watch tv to which i said no, i didn't want to watch tv.  i said to him that i wish my psych puts me in hospital really soon and he says something about the finances yet again (to which i felt so guilty for going into hosptial) and i told him off - saying well how am i meant to get better; and he says oh no i know, to which i said well don't say that, next time don't say that.

I think from last night he really knew i am not good, i am not coping.  I can't believe i actually got the words out to tell him - 'i am not coping with my depression'.

I know he will be worried today at work, but let him work things out for a change.  Let him work out how do we sell our home; where to start.  What needs to be done at home before we sell (which i have told him for months and months).  

I so hope the hospital ring today and say come in tomorrow. I had doubts at the start of the week but now I am ready to run into the hospital.

I am sorry I couldn't chat with you last night, i really wanted to because you are always here for me when i am in crisis, so thank you so much.  But after my cup of tea I was so exhausted i ended up falling to sleep.

But one thing i did notice was that my asthma was really bad after my crying spell; i couldn't breathe properly had to use my ventolin a few times.

Off to work today which will be a distraction at least.