Your Welcome @BlueBay , in the back of my mind I feel the same, not wanting to be like this for the rest of my life and that's what I struggle with and it just got harder when my daughter left to live in Newcastle, one of my sons now live the other side in the south so loosing that attachment is a big thing with BPD, and a bad trigger for me every day I struggle with it, I've applied for the NDIS and hoping I get it so that I can start seeing a psychologist as we only get 6 weeks under the health care plan, that I can see al the time and my kids don't understand why it affects me so much. The kids were my life, I still had trouble when they were home but I didn't know how much it affects us when they leave, it is a shock, cause I thought well my life is over cause there what I was living for and was my life, but now I don't know what my life purpose is anymore and I still don't, sometimes I think that this isn't real and like I'm in a dream., I message my daughter every week but cannot talk to her on the phone cause everytime I try I just start crying even now just writing this I'm crying. I just don't know what I'm suppose to be doing, it's like I'm in a rollercoaster it's always up and down, everyday one minute ill be ok and then the next for no reason I'm down and crying and that's where I have to think a bout Jacob who's only 12 that he still needs me,so I try and remember if I'm not here he would have no one and then I go into his room and ask for a cuddle and he can tel now when im feeling low and will give me a cuddle, maybe that's something you could try BlueBay or if you have a pet,cuddle them it does help for a while, but I think my life will always be like this as well, I have no partner, just my 4 kids, I know there is something out there for us we just have to have faith and hopefully find it one day, and most importantly talk to those around us that understand what where going through, I have to believe that we can do it one day,and just take one minute at a time until we do.